


His True Colors Fanmix

by laurie_ky



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Bruce Banner, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Fanmix, Fanmix for His True Colors by Nonymos, M/M, Spoilers for His True Colors, Team Dynamics, These guys need a therapist but Nonymos won't set up any appointments, includes story selections from His True Colors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 22:24:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/931761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurie_ky/pseuds/laurie_ky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A forty song mix based on the story, <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/789339/chapters/1490463">His True Colors</a> by Nonymos.  </p><p>I really enjoyed the story and then I heard a song that made me go, "Huh.  That would work for a mix for <em>His True Colors</em>.  Then it happened again, and again, and so I decided to do this mix.  I may have gotten carried away. </p><p>This post will spoil you for the story. If you can keep your eyes from drifting, the link to download is at the top, if you want to listen and then read the story. </p><p>The post includes a download link from Dropbox, partial lyrics, links to full lyrics, passages from the story that tie in to the songs, and my thoughts on why each song was chosen.</p><p>There is one passage from the story that describes the beginning of a sexual assault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His True Colors Fanmix

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nonymos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nonymos/gifts).
  * Inspired by [His True Colors](https://archiveofourown.org/works/789339) by [Nonymos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nonymos/pseuds/Nonymos). 



> My thanks go to Nonymos for writing an awesome story and for giving me permission to post this mix.
> 
> Laurie

**Song List**

  
_What Makes a Man_ | City and Color

  
_Somewhere_ | Eva Cassidy

_Spoilin' for a Fight _| AC/DC__

  
_Sitting_ | Cat Stevens

  
_Ugly Side_ | Blue October

  
_Motherless Child_ | Sweetwater

  
_Lateralus (Mandolin Instrumental_ | Maskedinsanity and Pom

  
_Rusty Cage_ | Johnny Cash

  
_Time (Pink Floyd Instrumental)_ | Vitamin String Quartet

  
_Shadowland_ | Steve Earle

  
_Time Has Come Today_ | The Chambers Brothers

  
_All Along the Watchtower_ | Vitamin String Quartet

  
_Run Through the Jungle_ | Creedence Clearwater Revival

  
_Seven Nation Army_ | The White Stripes

  
_Everything Must Change_ | Olafur Arnalds

  
_Loverman_ | Metallica

  
_Bad Moon Rising_ | Rasputina

  
_Boadicea_ | Enya

  
_Creep (Acoustic)_ | Radiohead

  
_Storm Comin'_ | The Wailin' Jennys

  
_Long Nights_ | Eddie Vedder

  
_Stand By Me_ | The Drifters

  
_Fade to Black (Instrumental)_ | Vitamin String Quartet

  
_Watch the Stars_ | Pentangle

  
_Hallelujah_ | Sorrelli Strings 2010

  
_I Will Find You_ | Clannad

  
_I'm on Fire_ | Bat For Lashes

  
_The Death of Me_ | City and Color

  
_I Want to Hold Your Hand_ | The Beatles

  
_Hardest of Hearts_ | Florence and the Machine

  
_Accidentally In Love_ | Counting Crows

  
_I Gave You All_ | Mumford and Sons

  
_Better Alone_ | Carolina Liar

  
_By Way of Sorrow_ | Cry Cry Cry

  
_I Will Wait_ | Mumford and Sons

  
_For Whom the Bell Tolls_ | Apocalyptica

  
_Dreaming My Dreams_ | The Cranberries

  
_Here Comes the Sun_ | The Beatles

[Download Mix from Dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/sh/2zr16te1k7qzzr2/6pf0ybLOP1) | [Zipped File Download Mix from Dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/s/3qgovh8c5vlkeiq/HIs%20True%20Colors%20Fanmix.zip)

[Link to the Text (His True Colors)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/789339/chapters/1490463)

I started reading [His True Colors by Nonymos](http://archiveofourown.org/works/789339/chapters/1490463) and was instantly hooked. This is an Avengers 2012, 103,000 word fic that centers on the relationship between Bruce and the rest of the Avengers, between Clint and Bruce, between Bruce and Loki, and between Thor and Loki. It's an emotional story, full of poor communication, desperate decisions, and people burning their bridges while doing what they think is the right thing to do. 

My mixes express the emotions I feel. I've created ones about my kids, my job, and sometimes about stories I've written or read. The songs are building blocks, and each one is carefully chosen to express a character's emotions, or my perception of a situation. When I've finished, I've got something that is more than a list of songs. Well, to me I do. It's kind of a compulsion sometimes, to do this. 

So, I felt a strong compulsion to do a mix for _His True Colors_ and Nonymos said go for it. There are forty songs in this mix, and each song is illustrated by partial lyrics, a link to the full lyrics, a passage from the story in chronological order that ties the song to the narrative, and a short note by me about the qualities of the music and/or lyrics that made me go, “That one. That says what Bruce is feeling,” or is a comment on a character's actions.

Two songs were suggested to Nonymos by readers. I listened to different versions and while I didn't always pick the version the readers had suggested, I'd like to credit them for the suggestions. Animationimagination suggested Creep, and another reader (I'm not sure who it was) suggested Ugly Side. If that person reads this, comment to me and I'll update the post to give you credit.

A note of warning. Well, two actually. Reading the post will spoil you for the story. Also, Nonymos is the Queen of Cliffhangers. In order for new readers to re-create the tense atmosphere those of us who read the story as it was being posted experienced, stop after every cliff hanger and bite your nails for three days before reading the next chapter.

 

* * * * * * *

 

 _What Makes a Man_ | City and Colour  
[Lyrics](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/cityandcolour/whatmakesaman.html)

“Well I can hear my train comin'  
Looks like time is not on my side  
Well I can hear my train comin'  
I'm still runnin' for my life”

**Chapter One. Acceptance.**

“He had almost wrecked the Helicarrier and very nearly killed Natasha Romanov, endangering Tony, Thor and Steve's life in the process. He had only got back on track in time for the last battle, when he had finally let the Hulk take the reins, for everyone's own good. Heck, the Other Guy had even saved Tony Stark's life.  
This unexpected turn of events had called a lot into question, to the point that Bruce had chosen to stay instead of setting off as soon as the battle was over. He had taken a great risk ; he could have been thrown in a lab cage...”

 **Mixer's Notes**  
This is a quiet song, plaintive, simple guitar chords, and spoke to me of Bruce's years of being on the run, having very little in his life. There's a sense of hopelessness that pervades the entire song. I picked it to represent him prior to being recruited by Fury to find the tesseract, and the thoughts he had after the Battle of Manhattan about running again.

 

* * * * * *

 _Somewhere_ | Eva Cassidy  
[Lyrics](http://www.songlyrics.com/eva-cassidy/somewhere-lyrics/)

 

“Is time my redeemer?  
Loneliness my only friend?  
Just once in a lifetime  
Strangers share a common end  
And I like an arrow  
Straight for love I went again  
And you like tomorrow  
Never knowing where an when.

Somewhere, somehow  
At sometime someone cared  
Maybe just for a moment  
Or maybe for a lifetime  
Are the threads that bind us together  
Falling loose or growing stronger  
Look at it now, look at the picture  
Has it changed or is it still the same?”

**Chapter One. Acceptance**

“So the Hulk would be, what ? A part-time member ?”  
Clint's question wasn't directed at Bruce. Actually, as soon as he had exposed his idea in a few short, nervous sentences, everyone had forgotten about him to focus on the green elephant in the room. He was astounded with how seriously and how calmly they were discussing this, as though it was no big deal...

Bruce felt like he was dreaming the whole thing. He had honestly expected at least one member of the team to stand up and yell are you people crazy ? But they had all went along with the idea, apparently. And it had to be real, since Captain America was now standing in front of him with a confident look in his blue eyes.  
“We're ready, doctor” he said softly, reassuringly. “You can let him out.”  
Bruce could only swallow thickly and nod. He internally begged his alter ego to make it happen, trying to pave the way with appeasing thoughts of friendship and team-bonding and acceptance. This is our chance. This is it.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

This song also starts out quietly, a bit tentative, but as the lyrics repeat Eva's voice expresses more confidence, more hope, a chance for something good and permanent to come out of a decision to take a chance. Bruce deciding to let the Hulk be the front man, in hopes of stopping the endless cycle of hiding and running seemed a good fit for this song. Also, there's a martial air that is added in towards the end, and it makes me think of the Avenger's mission to protect the planet, and Bruce joining them in that mission.

 

* * * * * *

 

 _Spoilin' for a Fight_ | AC/DC  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/spoilin-for-a-fight-lyrics-acdc.html)

“Spoilin' for a fight  
cuz I've gotta make it right,  
Fighting all night,  
'Cuz I'm spoilin' for a fight”

**Chapter One. Acceptance.**

“Turns out Hulk makes a pretty good roommate, which might explain that” the super-soldier went on. “We didn't expect him to be so open – or so talkative. Jeez, he already found nicknames for half the team. ”  
“Uh” Bruce managed. “That's – good news, I guess. Really good news.”...

Oh, we get along alright” Steve said conversationally, stepping back to let a wave of blinding white light overwhelm Bruce's abused eyes. “Don't worry about it. Even Natasha's in very good terms with him now. Tony's thrilled, of course. As for Clint, he's literally in love.”  
Bruce's heart jumped in his chest. “What ?”  
“Hulk calls him Cupid” Steve grinned, sitting back next to him. “I don't know where he got that, but Barton almost killed himself laughing. Now, it's like they're long-lost brothers or something...

“Did you... need... Hulk... for something ?”  
Steve stared at him, then his gaze cleared. “Oh – actually, he's the backbone of the team now, you know. We kind of always need him. But yeah, he was a great help when Doom attacked three weeks ago.”  
Bruce opened his mouth, the questions burning on the tip of his tongue – what and who and how and did anyone get hurt, was there any damage, what did the Hulk do exactly – but he gave up before he could even form the first word. Somehow, it felt weird to ask about the whole story as though he had drunk too much and passed out – for five weeks. If there was something he should absolutely know, Steve would tell him anyway.  
“So... it's all fine” he only said gingerly.”

**Mixer's Notes**

A strong rock rhythm and lyrics about being able and willing to fight appealed to me for this section of the story, to represent the missions and fights the Avengers, including Hulk, are engaging in while Bruce is in limbo.

* * * * * *

 _Sitting_ | Cat Stevens  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/sitting-lyrics-cat-stevens.html)

“Keep on wondering if I sleep too long, will I always wake up the same (or so)  
And keep on wondering if I sleep too long, will I even wake up again or something  
…

Oh life is like a maze of doors and they all open from the side you're on  
Just keep on pushing hard boy, try as you may  
You're going to wind up where you started from.”

**Chapter One. Acceptance.**

For the first time in years, he had woken up from a transformation with a friendly voice next to him. He had a home, too, now. He was part of a strong team, people he could trust. People who tolerated the Hulk. Appreciated him. He wouldn't have to hide anymore, wouldn't have to run or to fear now that his plan had worked – now that the Hulk had found a place in this world. It was really incredible, having this great of a burden taken off his shoulders. It was making him dizzy again, which was probably explaining the persistent feeling of uneasiness pooling in his stomach.  
Five weeks.  
He breathed in and out with his eyes closed, and a long shiver ran through him. He expected this great void inside him to fill itself with well-being any second now.  
   
But the shiver never faded and he ended up trembling for long minutes, curling up in the immense bed and trying to swallow the inexplicable lump in his throat.  
   
 **Mixer's Notes**

There's an ambivalent quality to this song, the hope that the singer is making the right choices, but a creeping suspicion that maybe he's made the wrong one. Bruce at this point in the narrative is still clinging to the hope that he did make the right decision, but he can't keep his thoughts from becoming anxious that instead he's made the wrong one.

 * * * * * *  
   
 _Ugly Side_ | Blue October  
[Lyrics](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/blueoctober/uglyside.html)

“I must have sneezed  
On knees I freeze  
I mean I just choked up  
Somehow I slept  
I dream, I mean  
I dreamt of nothing...

I only want you to see  
My favorite part of me  
And not my ugly side  
Not my ugly side...”

**Chapter Two. Gap.**

He looked at Barton walking ahead and struggled to repress a wave of unwanted fondness, seemingly coming out of nowhere. It reminded him of his dream, where there had been only tenderness and desire between him and Clint – so unlike the reality. But he knew these emotions to be a direct aftermath of the growing bond between Barton and his other half. They must really get along for Bruce to resonate with it so strongly. It felt all the more wrong to be treated this distantly now ; he couldn't help aching as though his oldest friend suddenly wasn't recognizing him anymore, and it only made it worse to know that he had no right to claim these feelings as his.  
We're not even friends, he berated himself. 

**Mixer's Notes**

Oh, the angst. This song expresses the strong feelings Bruce is feeling towards Clint, that he keeps trying to deny to himself, and how he wants Clint to like him, Bruce, and not just the Hulk. The lyrics show quite clearly the self-hatred and poor self-esteem that is part of Bruce. Nonymos' view of the Hulk is that he is Bruce, minus the social filters. He is Bruce's subconscious. The other Avengers don't get that. 

* * * * *

 _Motherless Child_ | Sweetwater  
[Lyrics](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/s/sweetwater/motherless+child_20264899.html)

“Sometimes I feel like a motherless child...  
And I'm alone, and I'm alone away from my home.

Sometimes I feel like if I'm almost gone...  
And I'm alone and I'm alone away from my home  
from my home

Sometimes I feel like there's nobody there...  
And I'm alone and I'm real lonely  
From my home.”

**Chapter Three. Experiment.**

 

The doors opened on ground floor. Right now, there was nothing Bruce wished more than to go outside. But just as he stepped out of the elevator, his phone buzzed in his pocket.  
Avengers Assemble.  
   
The truth hit him like a ton of bricks.  
He wasn't an Avenger. He hadn't even realized he was clinging so tightly to this illusion – after all, he had told himself from the beginning that he was working for the Hulk's good, not his own. But now that it was shattering, he couldn't lie to himself anymore. He had wished to be a part of this – but to him Assemble just meant Go away. He wasn't one of them. He was the one with the dull rumpled clothes. He was the other guy, and this should not have felt like a revelation to him.

**Mixer's Notes**

A quiet but powerful and lyrical version of a classic that I thought expressed Bruce's increasing loneliness and isolation.

* * * * * *

 

 _Lateralus_ (Instrumental with mandolins) | Maskedinsanity  & Pom

**Chapter Four. Promise.**

 

Bruce sat and turned on the screens, but after a while, Loki's behavior grew just impossible to ignore – the doctor's teeth were set on edge with the tension in the air.  
He turned to look at him.  
“Something wrong ?”  
The demi-god's nostrils flared, but he stayed silent and stared so intensely at him that for a second, it seemed like he was the one studying Bruce.  
The doctor did not move an inch. Loki was obviously searching his face for something ; what it was he had no idea. The thorough scan felt like it would never end, but eventually, the demi-god's wiry silhouette relaxed in the restraints. Bruce realized he had been holding his breath, and let it out silently.  
“Mind telling me what was that about ?” he asked.  
Loki looked pale and exhausted, but still managed to curl up his lips in a bitter smile.  
“You know nothing.”  
Bruce frowned slightly, trying to understand this could possibly mean. But Loki was already moving on.  
“Well ?” he said, slight annoyance back in his voice, slender fingers tapping on the steel armrests. “To what pointless experiment shall I be subjected this time ?”  
Bruce countered him with his own trademark smile. The demi-god would not get to him by playing cryptic, however hard he tried. On a different matter, the doctor could not help wondering whether Loki had used the word pointless with full knowledge. But there was no way he was getting an answer ; it wouldn't have helped much, in any way.  
“Like I said yesterday, I'm still busy processing your DNA” he said. “Even with this kind of tech, that's a long-term research ; so I was thinking maybe we could try out some active tests in the meantime.”  
Loki's eyes had narrowed again, although Bruce couldn't figure out why. The demi-god's features went back to slightly annoyed indifference almost immediately, though.  
“Active tests” he only repeated.  
“Yes” Bruce said, getting up. “Let's get down to it.”  
The tests were the most innocuous he could come up with, but they still gave impressive results. Loki proved himself able to hear the lowest sounds ; his sight was undeniably better than Barton's ; and his reflexes were something else – actually verging on prescience. He was doing his best to look both contemptuous and bored to death, but Bruce could tell that to some degree, he was enjoying this. Maybe he liked to show off, or maybe he was just finding a welcome distraction in those harmless experiments.  
“Well, thanks for your cooperation” Bruce said politely after a few hours. “That's all for today.”  
He had rewritten the mapping algorithm for the third time and he felt like he might be on to something since the search had not failed yet. But mostly, he felt tired again, and was hoping maybe he could catch a few extra hours of sleep before transforming. He began putting away the various pieces of equipment he had been using when he felt a change in the atmosphere – Loki's eyes were piercing his back again.  
This time, he did not ask anything. He just turned and stared back.  
After a while, the demi-god said : “You did it again.”  
“Did what ?” Bruce said in a weary voice.  
“You got the date wrong. Like I said yesterday, I am still busy processing your DNA” Loki quoted calmly.  
The doctor's blood curdled, but he forced himself not to react. He turned his back to him again and resumed tidying up the lab.  
“Yeah, well, I've never had a very good sense of time” he shrugged, turning off the computer. “It's no big deal.”  
“Are they letting you change only once a week ?” Loki murmured.  
Bruce closed his eyes. It did not keep him from hearing the demi-god's next question, although he had lowered his voice.  
“Are you a prisoner like me ?”  
The doctor gathered his notes, then went to open the heavy door. The usual squad was waiting for him in the hallway, sans Fury or Barton this time.  
“We're done” he said, handing over the pages.  
The team leader nodded and pushed the mysterious black button before entering the lab – not that Bruce noticed any of it.  
He was doing his best not to think.”  
   
 **Mixer's Notes**

This is a song that started life as more along the heavy metal end of things, but these two mandolin players have taken it and made it their own. I've always liked the Tool version but for showing the buildup of tension between Loki and Bruce during the time period of Bruce doing his research on Loki, I thought this pared down version was brilliant. There's a dueling feel to the music.

 

* * * * * *

 _Rusty Cage_ | Johnny Cash  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/rusty-cage-lyrics-johnny-cash.html)

“You wired me awake  
and hit me with a hand of broken nails  
You tied my lead and pulled my chain  
to watch my blood begin to boil

But I'm gonna break  
I'm gonna break my  
Gonna break my rusty cage and run”

**Chapter Three, Experiment; and Six, Fracture.**

The demi-god had been stripped of his armor and clothes. He was only wearing a white paper shirt, and his inky hair was spread loose on the steel table. His restraints were of steel too, pinning him to the cold metal, digging in his flesh. He was not muzzled this time, but he was wearing a thin silver chain to hold his magic in check, and a black strap around his neck that Bruce recognized as a shock collar...

“What are you trying to do, anyway ?” the doctor said, suddenly tired with his own tip-toeing.  
Loki gave a wan, somehow apologetic smile. “You are the only hope I have.”  
His frankness was so absurd Bruce huffed a nervous laugh. “Oh, thanks. Very honest. You're not gonna lie to me, yet you still hope to get me on your side somehow ?”  
“Somehow” Loki said, closing his eyes again and leaning back against the steel. “You are right. It is a foolish plan.”

**Mixer's Notes**

The references to torture and the strong-willed determination to escape in the lyrics of this song seemed apt for Loki's time as a guest of S.H.I.E.L.D. I found I seemed to pick songs with strong beats to represent Loki.

 

* * * * * *

_Time (instrumental Pink Floyd song)_ | Vitamin String Quartet. 

**Chapter Six. Fracture.**

“Sadly – no way out of the loop, he remembered wearily as he opened his eyes.  
Once again, this damn steel cell. He knew it was a matter of security, but would it have killed SHIELD to make it just a bit nicer ? Or to call him back while he was still in the hall, so he could at the very least see a bit of blue sky before he went to bury himself under the ground ?  
He felt like he had not seen the sky in months. He felt like he had been wearing this black battle-gear for months. And now it did feel constricting, chafing, suffocating like a Kevlar harness, like he was the one SHIELD kept prisoner for study. Like he was back on the steel table himself.  
He screwed his eyes shut. Nothing good lay that way. He tried to think of the Avengers, of Clint, Tony, Steve, Natasha, even Thor, waiting for the wave of sourceless well-being even though he knew how pathetic it was – but it only made it even worse. Because the Hulk outright loved them now. He was unbelievably joyful, radiating pure glee in the back of the doctor's mind and it was so much worse than anger. Because the anger had still been Bruce's somehow, while this happiness stayed just on the edge of his reach. His subconscious kept telling him he should be carefree ; yet he was deeply, painfully unhappy. This was the worst kind of gap, even worse than the weeks turning into days and seeping out like sand in an hourglass. It was a physical suffering, as though he was being torn in two, and his eyes were burning and again he could not breathe and he was not going back not this time he had to leave he needed to get out to get away – “ 

**Mixer's Notes**

The discordant sounds at the beginning of the song represented to me the disorientation Bruce feels when he comes back to his original body. The music is sad in places, quiet and introspective, and then returns to a relentless beat that makes me think of Bruce's feelings of being trapped in his own body. 

* * * * * * 

_Shadowland_ | Steve Earle  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/shadowland-lyrics-steve-earle.html)

“Down the highway, down the road I'm bound  
And my heart keeps poundin' and the wheels go 'round  
It's a hard place for a mortal man  
And a heartbroke pilgrim in the shadow land 

Been down a thousand highways and they're all the same  
Another empty place where I can hide my shame  
And there's a heartache waitin' up around the bend  
For a lonesome stranger in the shadow land” 

**Chapter Seven. Chasm.**

“Funny how fast the instincts of the fugitive settled back in, as though they had never disappeared really, just waited under the thin veil of Bruce's now lost hopes. He had made the wrong call that day – staying in New York as though he could have magically erased his sad parody of a past. He had lost any claim to leading a normal life the day of the accident, and should never, ever let himself forget it again.  
For now, he was standing in the Hulk's room, looking around with quick glances as his thoughts ran fast in his head. On his shoulder was slung a brown canvas bag, in which he had stuffed the miniature computer, the shield, and the taser. He would destroy them all as soon as he had the chance – and the time. Right now, he had to make the most of his situation.  
He looked out the window at the already darkening sky. The fact that he had decided to leave did not mean people knew about it, and this was what he must keep in mind right now. Although he could not help being tense and already too high on adrenalin, nobody was actually chasing him – yet. If he could have just left the Hulk behind, everything would have been fine in the best of all possible worlds. No one would have bothered running after only him ; but he did not doubt for a second SHIELD and probably the Avengers would come after the Hulk as soon as they realized what had happened ; he was, after all, their biggest asset. It tore a thin smile out of him, because hey, his plan was an outstanding success after all.  
It still resulted in him running away from Hulk hunters. Back to square one. No way out of the loop, Banner.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

The lyrics are about returning to a life of being on the run, which is why I picked it to represent Bruce's decision to leave the Avengers. Also, I just like Steve Earle. Bruce is for sure a heart-broke pilgrim, and I love the term, “The shadow land.” 

* * * * * * 

_Time Has Come Today_ | The Chamber Brothers  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/time-has-come-today-j-w-chambers-lyrics-dead-moon.html)

Time has come today...  
I don't care what others say...  
Don't listen anyway time has come today, hey 

The room has changed today I have no place to stay...  
My love has blown away  
My tears have come and gone oh, Lord I got to run  
I got no home no, I have no home 

Now the time has come nowhere(place) to run...  
I've been loved, pushed(put)aside I've been crushed... 

Now the time has come there are things to realize  
Time has come today Time has come today.” 

**Chapter Seven. Chasm.**

“AVENGERS ASSEMBLE. LOCATION : SHIELD HQ.”  
   
*  
   
You can't do this, Bruce had been telling himself half an hour earlier, as he went up to the roof to climb in the Quinjet.  
You can't do this, he had repeated endlessly in his mind as he was flying through darkness above New York City's web of lights.  
You can't do this, he had thought once more as the aircraft slowed down above the HQ.  
You can't do this ! he had shouted inwardly as he jumped down in the grass. You can't !  
   
But he had arrived at SHIELD – and despite his sincere efforts during the whole journey, despite the desperate voice screaming at him that he was about to make a mistake, he had not managed to convince himself not to tear it down.”  
   
  **Mixer's Notes**

The driving rhythm that keeps building and building until the final shout of “Time” expressed to me Bruce's inevitable actions, even as he's berating himself while still going to free Loki. 

* * * * * * 

_All Along the Watchtower_ | Vitamin String Quartet  
Instrumental 

**Chapter Eight. Meltdown.**

“Bruce stopped and looked around in apprehension at their dark surroundings. It was all quiet and there was no one to be seen, which only tightened the knot in his chest. No. Just – no. It was never this easy. He had just broken out a mass-murderer from one of the most protected buildings on Earth. There had to be a catch.  
Such thoughts did not seem to cross Loki's mind. Actually, he had apparently forgotten about Bruce himself. His insane smirk had faded along with his burst of adrenaline ; right now, he only looked like a man filling his lungs with night air after almost two months spent in a neon-lit cube of concrete. He took a deep breath ; his eyes watered, so he closed them, but he could not hide his shivers.  
The doctor watched him. Something was slowly swelling inside him, a boiling sea of guilt and horror at his own actions – but that sight kept a lid on it for a while longer. Because he knew what he had freed Loki from ; and even now, facing the soon-to-be consequences of his recklessness, Bruce knew, without a single doubt, that he would do it again.  
He exhaled, then looked up at the demi-god. “Okay, we should probably – ”  
With a sudden whirring and a loud clanking sound, Tony's armor fell from the sky and landed with a fist on the ground. Almost instantly, Steve let himself fall from a rapidly approaching Quinjet, which doubled back and landed behind them. Before it had even come to a full halt, Clint climbed out the window on top of the cabin.  
And drew his bow at Bruce.”  
   
 **Mixer's Notes**    
I preferred an instrumental version only for this section, and Vitamin String Quartet do not disappoint. The swelling of the music is heartbreaking, and desperate, as Bruce sees the first of the consequences for freeing Loki. 

* * * * * * 

_Run Through the Jungle_ | Creedence Clearwater Revival  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/run-through-the-jungle-lyrics-the-gun-club.html)

“Whoa, thought it was a nightmare  
Lo, it's all so true  
They told me, 'Don't go walkin slow  
The Devil's on the loose' 

Better run through the jungle...  
Oh don't look back to see” 

**Chapter Nine. Curbstop.**

“Hulk was standing in middle of the battlefield, and Loki had climbed on his shoulders. He was smirking the widest, sharpest smirk Clint had ever seen, radiating triumph and malevolent joy.  
And the archer snapped. No. That – that he just refused to believe.  
“Hulk” he blurted out.  
His friend turned to him with a growl, but it was not enough for Clint to step back. He dropped his bow and came forward, opening his hands in baffled incomprehension.  
“Hulk, buddy” he said, completely disarmed. “What are you doing ?”  
The giant contorted his face yet again, but his grimace was in equal parts furious and rueful. Loki crouched to grab him by the hair and murmured something again, glancing towards Clint with a wicked smirk. Hulk let out a growl of desperate frustration, and looked at the archer waiting for him.  
He growled again, grinding his teeth, then took a step back. And another one. Then he crouched, and in a sudden leap – he was gone.”  
   
 **Mixer's Notes**

“Don't look back.” Oh, yeah. And Bruce has brought the devil with him. A classic CCR song for Bruce's and Loki's escape to the desert. 

* * * * * * 

_Seven Nation Army_ | The White Stripes  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/seven-nation-army-lyrics-the-white-stripes.html)

“I'm gonna fight'em off  
A seven nation army couldn't hold me back... 

And the message coming from my eyes  
Says leave it alone... 

And if I catch it coming back my way  
I'm gonna serve it to you  
And that ain't what you want to hear  
But that's what I'll do.” 

**Chapter Ten. Fall**

“We wait, then ?” Loki growled. “We hide for them to hunt out?”  
The doctor turned back to stare out the window.  
“You can leave,” he mumbled.  
“You owe them nothing. And the time to fight back is long overdue.”  
Bruce managed to curl up his lips in a mirthless smile.  
“You just want me to protect you.”  
“Yes,” Loki said with passion. “I want us to protect each other, if you could simply allow it.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

Another song with a strong beat to express Loki's emotions. The defiance in the song lyrics is congruent with the music. 

* * * * * * 

_Every Thing Must Change_ | Olafur Arnalds  
Instrumental 

**Chapter Eleven. Shard; Chapter Twelve. Strain.**

“Loki was right – the Hydra base was the perfect place for them to start fighting back. . . 

'Would anyone care to explain this disaster ?' ” Clint snarled, spitting Fury's words back in his face without even noticing Steve. “ 'Anyone ?' ”  
“That's what you asked us, right ?” Tony said, his voice metallic but vibrating with anger behind the mask. “So how about you give it a try, Nick ?”  
Every screen in the command room began to blink, then suddenly displayed the same screen shot – over and over, plastered across the walls, the windows, the computers, even the radar screens, a quartered, gory Loki, stretched open on a surgery table like a frog in science class, his face frozen in a scream of maddening pain.  
Steve felt the blood leave his face. In the same time it took him to process what he was seeing, he began increasingly aware of the room's atmosphere buzzing with energy even though the pressurization was back to normal – Thor.  
For the first time in decades, Steve could only think, oh shit.  
His hair was already sticking on end with electricity. He almost said something but then he felt – as though with a sixth sense – Thor struggling against himself not to tear the Helicarrier in half. Storm clouds were rolling around the ship like giant sharks circling a boat, only kept at bay by the god's focus. Thunder cracked and boomed outside the windows. No one dared to speak or move ; even Clint and Tony's anger was defused. They could only hold their breath, staring at the demi-god like they would have stared at a movement-triggered bomb.  
Then slowly, excruciatingly slowly, the pressure in the command room decreased. Steve could almost hear Thor reasoning himself.He had been banished the last time he had not kept his anger under control, after all ; Steve guessed the demi-god was thinking of the innocent people aboard the Helicarrier – and maybe of the fact that Loki was, after all, Midgardian property. Theirs to study. Theirs to break.  
Eventually, Thor exhaled and it was as though the whole world exhaled with him. Steve took it from here before anyone else could react.  
“Director” he said in the most controlled voice he could muster. “What is this ?”  
Fury crossed his arms and glared back. “What does it goddamn look like, Captain ?”  
His sheer nerve seemed to suffocate the Avengers for a second, and he took the opportunity to go on. “Did you all think we would accommodate Loki for free ? I never intended to stand idle just because you disagreed with the previous Phase Two. Whether you like it or not, gentlemen, we. Need. To be. Stronger.”  
“Slaughtering people will make us stronger ?” Steve growled.  
“Asgardian meta-science will make us stronger” Fury said icily. “And I don't recall any of you overly worrying about the details of Loki's new status.”  
He glared at them all and their righteous anger suddenly stuck in their throats – because they found themselves unable to answer. Whether from resentment or contempt, none of them had bothered to dwell on Loki's fate indeed. They had all assumed he would deserve whatever could happen to him. Coulson's name, floating unspoken in the air, did not make things any simpler.  
“Protecting Earth is my goddamn job” Fury hammered out. “And I cannot avoid getting my hands dirty. I'm the rag superheroes wipe their hands on, so they can stay nice and clean. You trusted SHIELD with Loki's fate because it was easier. You're not entitled to whine about my methods after the fact, when you couldn't bother to care in the first place.” He snorted. “Tell me, did you even go looking for this video, or did you stumble across it by chance ?”  
Steve looked at Clint, whose jaw clenched even more tightly, and he knew the answer right away. Fury looked at them all once again, and once again, they could not match his glare.  
Then Tony's face-plate slid up.  
“You know what” he said in an eerily calm voice. “You're right. We looked the other way.”  
His armor whirred slightly when he took off his helmet.  
“But I spent my whole life running away from my responsibilities. Forty-two years of experience. So your little speech won't be enough to shut me up.”  
“Which means ?” Fury said, unimpressed.  
“Which means I still don't agree with this” Tony said, jabbing his thumb at the screens. “And I never will. Call me a hypocrite, I don't care. Because that's not even the problem.”  
They all glanced at him at that. Fury raised his eyebrows.  
“Then what is ?”  
“The problem” Tony said in a sharp voice, “is that obviously, there is one Avenger who didn't choose the easy road.”  
He swallowed, then said, “His name is Bruce Banner 

**Mixer's Notes**  
Another instrumental that has both a light and dark quality to it. There seems to be so much going on with the music, and that's why I chose it to represent the thinking and figuring out things that both Bruce and the Avengers are doing. 

* * * * * * 

_Loverman_ | Metallica  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/loverman-lyrics-metallica.html)

“There's a devil waiting outside your door...  
And he's weak with evil and broken by the world...  
And he's shouting your name and asking for more... 

Loverman, since the world began  
Forever, amen till the end of time, yeah  
Take off that dress, ooh, I'm coming down... 

Gimme more, Gimme more, Gimme more... 

Loverman, yeah, yeah, yeah  
I got a masterplan... 

Seize the throne, ha, ha, seize the mantle  
Seize that crown, yeah, 'cause I am what I am 

There's a devil laying by your side  
And he wants you...” 

**Chapter Eleven. Shard**

“Loki smiled and pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him again, burying a hand in his curls to press his head against his shoulder.  
“Bruce” he murmured.  
The uptight knot that was Bruce's body loosened ever so slightly – and it was enough for him to start shivering again like a leaf in the wind. Loki sighed in sympathy and tightened his embrace. Bruce leaned against him and pressed his face against the fabric. It felt good. It felt so good he wanted to claw his skin off and gouge his eyes out. It was an act, a filthy act, and he knew it – but he was playing along because that was all he had. He was pathetic beyond words.  
In a last spark of self-consciousness, he wanted to pull away ; but this time, Loki did not let him go. When Bruce glanced up hazily, the demi-god's smile was sharper at the edges. He stepped forward and Bruce found himself backed against the wall almost immediately – he hadn't realized it was so close behind him.  
“Loki – ”  
The demi-god leaned in and pressed his lips against his neck. It was not really a kiss, but Bruce's breath still hitched in his throat. His knees suddenly buckled and Loki braced an arm around his chest so he would fall more slowly on the floor, sliding against the wall. The demi-god smirked in the dark, then grabbed his collar with one hand to zip his uniform open with the other.  
“No – no” Bruce choked. “Wait – ” 

**Mixer's Notes**

Does Loki consider himself a rapist? I consider what he does to be rape. And this song is so creepy, and the loverman obviously doesn't think he's out of line, but oh, man. So I picked it for the creepy stalking lyrics and the music that goes from mild to driving. Also, the references to a master plan and seize the throne. 

* * * * * * 

_Bad Moon Rising_ | Rasputina  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/bad-moon-rising-lyrics-rasputina.html)

“I see a bad moon rising  
I see trouble on the way  
I see earthquakes and lightnin'  
I see bad times today 

so don't come round tonight  
It's bound to take your life  
There's a bad moon on the rise 

I hear the hurricanes a-blown'  
I fear the end is comin' soon  
I fear river's overflowing  
I hear the voice of rage and ruin 

So don't come 'round tonight  
It's bound to take your life  
There's a bad moon on the rise 

Hope you have got your things together  
Hope you are quite prepared to die  
Looks like we're in for nasty weather  
One eye is taken for an eye.” 

**Chapter Twelve. Strain.**

“Bruce turned to his miniature computer and felt his heart sinking in his chest at the sight of the flickering red light.  
“They're coming” he murmured.  
“But we are ready.”  
Bruce startled violently and looked up. Loki was standing by the window with his arms crossed behind his back.  
“Yes” the doctor said after his heart had calmed down. “I guess we are.”  
He glanced at the taser on the table. Torn open and hooked to a dozen machines like a patient in a hospital. Now fueled by Earth energy and Tesseract power. He looked back up, and saw Loki was smirking at him.  
“I'll only fire it once” Bruce warned softly. “And I still don't want to kill anyone.”  
“In this I have no say” Loki smiled. “I cannot operate this weapon. You are the one in control.”  
Bruce had no strength left to laugh at this. He only nodded wearily.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

A more understated version of the CCR classic. Well, up to a point and then the music just wails. Trouble is a coming, it sings. 

* * * * * * 

_Boadicea_ | Enya  
Instrumental 

**Chapter Thirteen. Pod**

“What the hell are you talking about ?” the archer snarled.  
Loki raised his eyebrows in fake casualness. “Shall I really spell it out for you, then ?”  
“We found out about the torture, if that's what you mean. That's the only reason Banner followed you.”  
“How you wish it was true” the demi-god smirked. “But the reality is much less convenient, Barton. Banner would have come to me eventually, even without Fury's dishonesty.”  
He came even closer and his voice lowered in a hiss. “You used him like a tool, only getting him out when needed. You denied him the most basic needs. You dressed him like your puppet and locked him inside his own mind – and blamed him when he finally dared to stand for himself.”  
All trace of smirk had vanished from his sharp features. “Exactly how long did you think it would last ? Or was the plan never to let him out again after I finally died on that steel table ?”  
“What are you – of course we let him out !” Clint groaned.  
“Really, your eyesight worries me more and more” the demi-god sniggered. “Confusing him with that green monster ? Idiotic mortals, fascinated by a beast. It is but a hitch, a shadow of Banner – but none of you were smart enough to see past it.”  
“You're crazy” Clint said. “Hulk or Banner – it makes no difference. He's still awake inside.”  
“Oh ?” he chimed. “And did Banner tell you that ?”  
The archer froze.  
Loki's smirk widened and sharpened at the edges. He tilted his head on the side, watching as an expression of horrified doubt slowly crept up the Clint's face .  
“Ah, yes” he said. “Now you begin to see... after the damage has been done, naturally.”  
Clint felt like the bars were closing around him.  
“Let out only once in a while, only to be pushed into my cage” the demi-god went on in a whisper. “Oh, I am certain the beast looked happy – how could it not, when Banner was not left conscious long enough for his misery to sink in ? But Banner himself – deprived of any contact other than me !”  
He couldn't hold in another peal of irrepressible laughter. “He struggled against the inevitable as long as he could, be sure of it. I can only guess he tried to reach out for you, but you could not bother to listen, could you ? He just annoyed you. Irritated you, even. You were only too eager for him to vanish again – because it was so much simpler to deal with the plain, basic brain of that green beast, rather than with the exhausting depths of a brilliant, wounded mind.”  
His smirk kept growing more and more cutting with ferocious relish. “Who could blame you, though ? Banner is extremely secretive – it tends to happen after being treated like a monster for years. Luckily for him, you were not like the others. No, you did even better – you welcomed the monster and enslaved the man. I am impressed, really.”  
There was a rush in Clint's ears, so loud that he could barely make out the demi-god's words. Suddenly, he was remembering every single one of Banner's little smiles ; every single hint of anxiety and confusion each time he woke up in the underground cell, every text that should have been in this fucking empty phone – and Banner's voice, that terribly wry laugh when he had murmured in the elevator, “That's not how desperation works”, as though he knew everything and more about desperation.  
And now Clint could see, with appalling clarity, just how badly they had all fucked up. All because they were the Avengers, and the Avengers were nothing if not righteous. But shit, Banner had asked for their help, right ? And they had delivered, right ? How grand, how generous of them, to accept a monster among their ranks ! They had dutifully swept Banner under the carpet like it sounded he was asking, without bothering to think about what it could possibly imply for him, without even asking for precisions first, without realizing they were tying him down mute, blind and deaf, because they were the fucking Avengers, they had it all figured out, hadn't they ?  
And Banner had found himself trapped.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

With just drums and humming, Enya created a haunting melody that is my choice to show the effect Loki's words have on Clint. It's sad and brave, this humming, like Bruce. 

* * * * * * 

_Creep_ | Radiohead  
[Lyrics](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/radiohead/creep.html)

“When you were here before  
Couldn't look you in the eye  
You're just like an angel  
Your skin makes me cry  
You float like a feather  
In a beautiful world  
I wish I was special  
You're so fucking special 

I don't care if it hurts  
I want to have control  
I want a perfect body  
I want a perfect soul  
I want you to notice when I'm not around  
You're so fucking special  
I wish I was special 

But I'm a creep  
I'm a weirdo  
What the hell I'm doing here?  
I don't belong here...” 

**Chapter Fourteen. Crash.**

“Bruce did not have to look up to know that Clint was gone.  
He leaned against the dashboard with his eyes closed, trying to repress a sudden, crushing wave of self-loathing. Funny how he always thought he couldn't sink any lower. One would think that he would have learned, by now, that when it came to him, it could always get worse. But he had never experienced such suffocating shame. Even now, as his world was about to end, he could not get Clint's look out of his head. Instead of fading, the warmth of Loki's hand on his neck had grown into an unbearable burn, as though his bones had turned into branding irons ; but the memory of the archer's appalled expression was a thousand times worse.  
Just how much could Clint possibly despise him now ?  
Bruce took a sudden gasping breath, gripping the dashboard so hard his knuckles went white – for a second, he was encased in mind-numbing pain, blocking everything else out, leaving him blind and mute and deaf.  
He forced himself to reopen his eyes and stared hard at his hands, willing them to open as well, trying to get a grip on his shivering body. He had to focus, even though as he was now he could barely breathe. He couldn't afford to dissipate his energy in whining now that the end was near.  
But – Clint's eyes” 

**Mixer's Notes**

The music and lyrics stand in as Bruce's inner voice to himself, the mixture of wryness and self-loathing seems very in-character for the story, especially when he dwells on what Clint thinks of him. 

* * * * * * 

_Storm Comin'_ | The Wailin Jennys  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/storm-comin-lyrics-wailin-jennys.htm)

“When that storm comes, don't run for cover...  
Don't turn from the coming storm, no there ain't no use in running 

When that rain falls, let it wash away...  
Let it wash away, that falling rain, the tears and the troubles 

When those lights flash, and you hear that thunder roar...  
Will you listen to that thunder roar and let your spirits soar 

When that love calls, open up your door...  
You gotta stand on up and let it in, you gotta let love through your door 

No, don't run from the coming storm, 'cause it can't keep a storm from coming.” 

**Chapter**

“Clint stiffened. “Where's Thor ?”  
His eyes darted right and left, but there were only rocks as far as he could see.  
“Where is Thor ?” he repeated.  
The Avengers looked terrified.  
“We assumed you had been transported inside the base” Natasha said in a breath. “We had to make a decision.”  
“WHERE IS HE ?”  
“He's gone” Tony said in the stiffest voice Clint had ever heard, so unlike the smooth, snarky billionaire he knew. “He's gone to destroy it.”  
“But Bruce – Bruce sent me back, he – you don't get it ! Loki offered to kill me, but Bruce sent me back ! We've got to call the attack off – tell Thor to get his ass back here now !  
“He broke through the shield already” Tony said, his voice so emotionless it sounded distorted somehow. “We can't reach him on the coms anymore.”  
Clint turned to the blue dome of light, suddenly overwhelmed by the most intense feeling of refusal he had ever experienced. This had to be a joke. There had to be some way –  
“And there's no way we can get inside” the billionaire whispered.  
His face-plate slid down with a clang and the archer knew it was to hide his eyes.  
“We can do nothing.”... 

With an impossibly low and loud creak, the smooth curves of the dome bent out of shape as the forcefield itself caved in ; underneath, the Hydra base tore in half and collapsed on itself as if the very earth was opening beneath it – which was exactly what was happening. Not a single shiver broke through the shield ; but everything it sheltered was crumbling and keeling over in some kind of bottled apocalypse. It lasted for an awful minute, the impossible power of the earthquake ricocheting against the blue walls and towards the center of the dome, crushing and grinding the now shattered remains of the base all the more.  
The ground convulsed for a few more seconds like the brisk shivers of a giant beast. The distorted shield flickered and blinked erratically, before vanishing altogether with a puff of dust.  
   
Then, it all went extremely quiet.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

I love the Wailin' Jennys and this song sounds a bit gospel to me, and lovely with the harmonies they do. It's also fatalistic. So I thought it would work on two levels – Thor, a storm god, breaking the shield, and the collapse of the shield itself burying Bruce and Clint. 

* * * * * * 

_Long Nights_ | Eddie Vedder  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/long-nights-lyrics-eddie-vedder.html)

“Have no fear  
For when I'm alone  
I'll be better off that I was before... 

Who I was before  
I cannot recall  
Long nights allow me to feel  
I'm falling... I am falling 

The lights go out  
Let me feel  
I'm falling... 

I'm falling safely to the ground.” 

**Chapter Fifteen. Burial.**

“Bruce reopened his eyes and saw there were only ten seconds left.  
He did not start a countdown out loud, did not make his goodbyes, neither did he see his life flash back before his eyes – once was quite enough already, thanks.  
He just stared at the tiny black numbers on the computer's screen monitoring the seconds left before the biggest earthquake in history. 

**Mixer's Notes**

Another quiet, lyrical song that I thought spoke for Bruce, as he waits to bury himself alive. 

* * * * * * 

_Stand by Me_ | The Drifters  
[Lyrics](http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/drifters/stand_by_me-lyrics-225212.html)

“When the night has come  
And the land is dark... 

No I won't be afraid  
Just as long as you stand by me 

Whenever you're in trouble  
Won't you stand by me.” 

**Chapter Eighteen. Star.**

“He sighed, then extended his arm as much as he could to reach through the small empty space. Amazingly, he touched Bruce's wrist on his first try – he didn't think they were so close from each other. He wriggled a little to grab his hand, then entwined their fingers, and squeezed.  
After a second, Bruce's fingers closed in response – just folded slightly around the archer's calloused hand. Clint huffed a small, sad laugh in the dark. Bruce did not answer verbally, but his fingers clenched a little harder.  
The archer closed his eyes. There was nothing to say, but he put everything he had left on the hold he had on Bruce's hand, so the doctor could know that he was not alone in this goddamn tomb. After a while, he began to rub small circles in the dry palm with his thumb, and this time it was the doctor who tightened his grasp, making it almost painful.  
“Are you alright ?” Bruce asked eventually, in a small, dejected voice.  
“Yes” Clint lied. “I'm perfectly fine.”  
Okay, maybe a bit too much. Bruce snorted in the dark, but even that sounded rueful.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

I love all versions of this song, but this one seemed to say “Clint” to me. The lyrics and music are so straightforward. 

* * * * * * 

_Fade to Black (Metallica tune)_ | Vitamin String Quartet  
Instrumental 

**Chapter Eighteen. Star.**

“A long, depressing silence stretched out between them. Clint kept rubbing Bruce's palm, lacing their fingers together in different patterns, giving a quick tight clench every now and then. Now that his last burst of adrenaline was fading away, he realized his throat was hot and raspy ; his body was just one giant ache, like a dull glow with brighter spots here and there – ribs, legs, arm, forehead. He felt like he had been chewed by a stone titan, which was not very far from the truth. And suddenly, he thought he felt himself slip away. His strength was fading. Everything was growing uniformly smooth and cold around him, the sharp edges of his coffin vanishing in a haze of darkness. This was just an attack of claustrophobia – but maybe it wasn't. Maybe he was actually dying without realizing that was it – after all, he had no idea how it felt... – no, no, no, it was a panic attack, it was just the icing hold of the Earth that pierced through his bones like a scythe – but he couldn't feel his body, he couldn't feel the roughness of the concrete anymore, he was falling and expanding into nothingness at the same time, and his breathing –  
“Clint” Bruce stammered.  
The archer opened his eyes, encased in a tomb of ice and silence and was he really –  
“What ?” he rasped from the bottom of his freezing pit.  
“I'm – I wanted to – “ Bruce's voice broke. “No, I'm sorry, I never meant – it's not, I wish you could get out but it's – God, I'm so sorry, just – just forget I ever said anything – ”  
“Bruce” Clint cut off, the doctor's distress soothing a bit his own breathtaking panic. “What ?”  
Silence.  
“I'm glad” the doctor breathed like an ugly secret. “I'm glad there's someone.”  
Burning tears tore through Clint's cocoon of coldness, slicing it like a branding wire cutting through a pack of snow, like strands of red fire lighting up underwater, freeing him from his constricting terror. And he knew he was still alive.  
He took a deep, painful breath, his chest pressing against the icy stone, his lungs screaming with coldness inside his chest, but the panic was definitely receding. He clenched tighter than ever on the doctor's hand, holding for a long time, hoping this could make up for what Bruce couldn't see.  
“Thank you” he said, hoarsely.  
More tears rolled down his cheeks, and he thought he could feel their paths steaming across his cold skin. Yes, he was still alive for now. And if Bruce could tell him something like this hours away from death, then Clint had to try his best and be up to it.  
“Thank you” he repeated. “I'm glad too.”  
And I'm sorry. I'm so, so fucking sorry.  
But he couldn't say it – it would have sounded too pointless and futile now ; and mostly, it would have only stressed just how utterly useless his apologies were. Bruce's hand relaxed slightly in his, and there was nothing Clint could do but scream inside with self-torment.  
After that, the doctor did not talk anymore.”  
   
 **Mixer's Notes**

Sad, and dramatic, this instrumental piece goes from quiet to a sense of fighting against the circumstances, to desolation with a background sound that rises and falls. It's long, but then Bruce and Clint were buried in the rubble for days. I wanted to give a sense of time passing for them, in the dark. 

_Watch the Stars_ | Pentangle  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/watch-the-stars-lyrics-pentangle.html)

“Watch the stars see how they roam...  
You know the stars roam down  
at the setting of the sun  
Watch the stars, see how they roam.” 

**Chapter Eighteen. Star.**

“For a second, he completely forgot to breathe in utter, baffled wonderment. The inscrutable darkness was gone, along with the suffocating feeling of his own breath thrown back by the closeness of a stone wall. In their place was an endless, starry sky, smooth black with silver blue stars, like gleaming pins on an immense coat of velvet, going on and on and on as far as the eye could see, and even beyond, so large and so open and free. The feeling of infinity was vertiginous. Clint almost felt like he was dangling above an abyss, rather than lying on his back looking at the stars. It was so wonderful he couldn't have taken his eyes off it – not that there was anything else to see. The archer wanted to laugh with pure, untouched joy, but once again, nothing came out.  
His first coherent thought was – Bruce had to see this. It was so beautiful – and they had gotten out. He had no idea how or when it had happened, but they had broken out ! He could even feel the fresh air on his cheeks – Bruce had to see this !  
Clint clenched his fingers, but it felt as though he was activating someone else's hand from a very long distance.  
“Bruce” he said in a weak, hissing voice.  
He wriggled a little to remind himself he still had a body.  
“You're missing the whole thing” he rasped. “C'mon, wake up !”  
He tried to shake his hand, but his own arm felt dead.  
“Bruce, wake up” he insisted.  
He was still staring at the marvelous night sky, and suddenly realized that its wonder was beginning to fade. The stars were blinking off one by one. One by one, like people drawing a curtain on their golden windows, turning away from them. 

**Mixer's Notes**

A lullaby of sorts, soft and mild, to go along with Clint's hallucination of the stars. I altered the song to cut out the applause and to let the music fade out. 

* * * * * * 

_Hallelujah | Sorrelli Strings  
Instrumental_

**Chapter Eighteen. Star.**

"Bruce” Clint said thickly. “You've got to see this. Before it's all gone. Come on now, I'm – I'm sorry for everything. Just wake up. Please ?”  
Still no answer.  
“Please, wake up” he moaned. “You're missing the stars.”  
Their fingers were so tightly entwined it felt like their palms had fused together. Bruce's hand was so cold, though.  
So cold.  
Clint thought his whole body was about to rupture from swelling refusal. Tears were pricking at his eyes again, just when he thought there wasn't a drop of water left inside his body.  
“Bruce” he whispered. “Come on, man. I'm telling you, they're going. Wake up now – wake up !”  
He pushed against the concrete with his all body, suddenly absurdly furious against this fucking stupid weight pinning him down, keeping him from reaching the doctor, because if he could have touched more than his hand, even just his arm or shoulder, it would have made it all better, couldn't anyone just see this, seriously, Bruce was just unconscious, that was all, just a heavy sleeper, he just needed to open his eyes and everything would be fine, but Clint was crushed between stone and stone and what the fuck was wrong with this goddamn world ?  
“Bruce” he panted, giving up on his pointless struggle. “Bruce, wake up, please wake up !”  
The stars were fading. One by one. Soon, they were almost all gone – it was just the gray haze of oblivion now.  
“Bruce, don't go too” the archer suddenly breathed. “Don't you dare. We're supposed to – we're supposed to wait together.”  
He gripped Bruce's hand, stuck his nails in the dry skin, twisted the bones, ground the knuckles, trying to hurt him, trying to jerk him awake.  
“Don't leave” he begged. “Fuck, you didn't see the stars yet. They're going away and you didn't see them. I swear they were here. I swear. You were just – you were just not looking, that's all. But it's alright. I promise they're still here, Bruce. They're real, they're all waiting for you. You could still see them if you could just – ” he choked, “wake up.”  
His tears were rolling down again. The skies were closing on themselves like a flower at night. The last stars were going off, like so many bubbles popping up there in space.  
“Bruce, wake up !” Clint sobbed.  
He said it again, and again, and again, until the words had lost their meaning, until even the violence of his despair had vanished, leaving him empty. Bruce was not waking up, Bruce would never wake up again, and he knew exactly why, but it was just not fair.  
Not fair.  
His own pain and thirst felt like a soothing tide washing over him, slowly carrying him to the open sea. He was kneading and crushing Bruce's hand in his palm, the flesh inert and malleable under his fingers, without so much as a pulse or a hint of warmth to light it up – working it so thoroughly he knew he would never forget its particular shape and texture, not even in a million years. He was taking this memory with him at the very least.  
“Wake up.”  
It was all gone. It was all dark.  
“Wake up” he breathed, like an old litany – or a last lullaby.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

I knew I wanted an instrumental version of Hallelujah for Bruce's and Clint's last hours together. I listened to many versions, but this is the one that hit me the hardest. 

* * * * * 

_I Will Find You_ | Clannad  
[Lyrics](http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/clannad/i_will_find_you-lyrics-117418.html)

“Hope is your survival  
A captive path I lead 

No matter where you go  
I will find you  
If it takes a long long time 

No matter where you go  
I will find you  
If it takes a thousand years.” 

**Chapter Nineteen. Breath.**

The Banner-Stark Shield had grown into a geodesic dome and reached almost a mile in diameter. There were two silhouettes to be seen, huddled together at the bottom of the glowing sphere protecting them from the debris threatening to keel over at every second.  
A red-and-gold armor blasted off in the pale light of dawn, did a lap around the globe and dashed against its simmering wall, piercing through it with sparkles and electrical discharges which undulated at the surface, like waves after the throw of a rock in a spherical lake. The brightly-colored silhouette swam down that humongous ball of blue water, and landed smoothly next to the two figures – tiny, so tiny at the bottom. He took them in his metal arms, almost reverently, and blasted upwards with more haste.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

Clannad sounds unearthly here. “I will find you”, a silent promise the team has made to Bruce and Clint, since no communication with them was possible. 

* * * * * * 

_Suicide is Painless_ | Marilyn Manson  
[Lyrics](http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/marilyn_manson/suicide_is_painless-lyrics-4546.html)

“Through early morning fog I see  
Visions of the things to be  
The pains that are withheld for me  
I realize and I can see  
that suicide is painless  
It brings on many changes  
And I can take or leave it if I please 

The game of life is hard to play  
I'm gonna lose it anyway.” 

**Chapter Twenty-one. Decision.**

“Bruce stared at him for a long minute.  
“What do you want me to do ?” he murmured eventually.  
“Work for us” Fury snapped back. “Fight for us. Be our soldier as well as our weapon. Don't think ; don't question the orders ; always do as you're told. This way, we can preserve as many lives as possible.”  
The doctor wavered, but Fury's eye was like a string holding him upright.  
“Do you remember those videos you erased, doctor ?” he said in a low voice.  
A pang of long-forgotten anger pierced through Bruce's numbness – but it vanished instantly. There was a time where he was always angry. He had never thought he would one day come to regret it. His wrath was gone, and the Hulk was left weaker, smaller, as lost and powerless as him now.  
“I remember” he said under his breath.  
“You'll have to put up with our ways” Fury said. “The world's not a nice place, doctor.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

Marilyn Manson's version is slow and deliberate, not the upbeat version used in MASH. With the MASH version, I focus on that upbeat music and the message of the lyrics is muted. So, I went with a version where the lyric's meaning is clear. Bruce isn't considering actual suicide of his body, as if he could. I see him contemplating killing his soul, though, if he takes Fury's offer. 

* * * * * * 

_Between Far and Away_ | The Elders  
[Lyrics](http://www.gugalyrics.com/lyrics-2079987/the-elders-between-far-and-away.html)

“So the bitterness is behind you  
Promise in the days ahead  
Forget about all those bad times  
And the foolish things that we said... 

Now in time our wounds will heal  
From the things we thought all went wrong  
We will travel roads of a lifetime  
To the place that we belong  
Older than any words, these ties that bind you and me  
Between Far and Away 

Let all good things come to you  
And all your sadness washed away  
Let your troubles be few, far and between... 

You will find your place in this world  
Never too long will you stay  
Between Far and Away.” 

**Chapter Twenty-four. Teamwork.**

“Hulk leave” the giant declared, before snarling, “but team better stay. Or else.”  
He started turning away.  
“Don't go” Natasha said quietly.  
The Hulk froze.  
“Yeah, don't go, buddy” Clint said in a strangled voice.  
“Please don't go” Steve added in earnest.  
Everyone turned towards Tony, who swallowed thickly. It was his turn now, and everyone knew, without a word, that Hulk would not consider staying without the approval of the full team. Tony looked like someone was physically quartering him – Steve could see how badly, how desperately he wanted to say the words – but his guilt was just too heavy. To him, it felt too bold even to ask for forgiveness. Tony simply could not believe that Banner could forgive them – and in any case, he was not likely to ever forgive himself.  
Steve raised a hand to his earpiece. “Iron Man, say it. That's a direct order.”  
Tony closed his eyes. For a dreadful moment, everyone just waited.  
“Don't go” he said in a small, shivering voice.  
He fell on his knees and grabbed his helmet with both hands, his teeth clenched to hold in the raw, animal cry threatening to burst out of him. Hulk staggered as well, as though Tony's inward scream of despair had pierced through him as well.  
“But” he said, slow and hesitant. “But. Hulk smashed.”  
Near the Quinjet, Clint clenched his fists. “Jade Jaws” he barked, “cut the fucking crap ! You're going to stay here, because I'm not done with you yet ! You hear me ?”  
His shout dashed through the dusty air like a bolt of lightning.  
And Hulk smiled.  
Except it had nothing to do with a Hulk grin – it was Banner's wry, soft, sad smile. And just like a reverse Cheshire Cat, Bruce came back smile-first, suddenly reverting to his human form as though the veneer of his personality seeping out, ever so slightly, had been enough for him to take over. He fell on his knees, then forward in the dust, and curled on himself before completely blacking out.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

This is a very optimistic song, and I love the music and the lyrics. This is one I find myself humming a lot or singing part of the lyrics. It's too optimistic, considering how much damage was done, but this is the dream they have of making things right with Bruce. 

* * * * * * 

_I'm on Fire_ | Bat for Lashes  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/im-on-fire-lyrics-bat-for-lashes.html)

“Hey, little boy, is your mama home?  
Did she go and leave you alone?  
Oh, got a bad desire  
Oh-oh-oh I'm on fire 

Tell me now, baby, is she good to you?  
Does she do to you the things that I do  
Oh, I can take you higher  
Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire 

Sometimes it's like someone took a knife, edgy and blunt  
Put a six inch valley in the middle of my soul 

Oh, at night I lay at home with the sheets soaking wet  
And a freight train running through the middle of my head  
But you, you cool my desire 

Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire.” 

**Chapter Twenty-six. Effort; Chapter Thirty-two. End**

“His own eyes still closed, Clint lowered his bow, exhaling deeply, and smiled to himself with a strange ruefulness. His body was very slightly glistening with sweat – either he had been at it for hours, either his pain was becoming unbearable. He stood there, and Bruce just watched him.  
Clint was sturdy but lissom, densely built, muscles working smoothly under the skin. His whole body seemed in harmony with itself, out of grace or sheer confidence, Bruce couldn't decide ; whatever it was, he looked so strong, so sound, so solid, that the doctor felt the painful urge to press against him, to lean against him, to rest. He wanted to feel this solidity for himself. To taste it for himself. He wanted the warmth, wanted the weight of a body on him, wanted to be touched, craved it, he wanted Clint, he wanted to be selfish, he wanted to stop thinking, he wanted to take and be taken. His own body was nothing more than a scream of want, so raw and so commanding that he had no choice but run out of the room before Clint could hear it. . . 

He had already lived this scene so many times. So many times, only to wake up alone on a couch or a chair in the living-room. Taking his head between his hands at three in the morning, shivering under his too thin covers, trying to silence his own stubborn wishes.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

A painful song of quiet desperation, of longing, of feeling so damaged. Bat For Lashes nails it for me, to express Bruce's closely held secret of his attraction to Clint. Especially since the story describes how he wakes up from sex dreams of being with Clint. 

* * * * * * 

_The Death of Me_ | City and Colour  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/the-death-of-me-lyrics-city-and-colour.html)

“Do I have nothing good left to say  
Do I need whiskey to start fueling my complaints?  
People love to drink their troubles away.  
Sometimes I feel that I'd be better of that way 

'Cause maybe then I could sleep at night  
I wouldn't lie awake until the morning light” 

**Chapter Twenty-six**

“Tony was never part of the debriefs, though.  
And he never looked at Bruce, nor talked to him. Not once. He avoided him in completely unsubtle ways – walking straight out of a room every time Bruce walked in – and whatever the reason, the doctor could tell Tony wanted him gone, gone gone gone, out of his way and out of his sight. Bruce's bedroom was here to testify, and more than once, Tony ruined the fragile mood by storming out of a room or abruptly shutting up when Bruce was around. Without him to oppose Steve during the debriefs, the actual banter still sounded slightly wrong somehow. It was as though he wanted to make sure that what little peace Bruce could find would always be tainted with stale bitterness.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

This is Tony's song. The combination of wanting to drink to handle his feelings and the lack of sleep from his strong feelings of guilt about Bruce are expressed so well by City and Color. 

* * * * * * 

_I Want to Hold Your Hand_ | The Beatles  
[Lyrics](http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/the_beatles/i_want_to_hold_your_hand-lyrics-32034.html)

“Oh yeah, I'll tell you something  
I think you'll understand  
When I'll say that something  
I want to hold your hand 

Oh please, say to me  
You'll let me be your man  
And please, say to me  
You'll let me hold your hand 

And when I touch you I feel happy inside  
It's such a feeling that my love  
I can't hide, I can't hide, I can't hide.” 

**Chapter Twenty-seven. Contact.**

“Nobody had ever asked who the Hulk was. Nobody. It was always what. And this thing. And it.  
He bit his lip and closed his eyes, because they were burning again.  
“He's – he's me” he mumbled, small and low. “Minus the... rational part. That's the reason I don't remember anything when I wake up, I guess. He's – I guess you could say he's what simmers underneath my social filters, a psychiatrist's wet dream, something like that...”  
He swallowed and went on nervously, “During the past months, he was just... functioning on his own, since I was not really there. And I could feel what he felt – but I couldn't know where it all came from. He's supposed to resonate with my feelings, not the other way around. That's how we're wired. So as soon as I was out for more than a few hours, it fell back in place. Now, we're... I think we're one again.”  
Clint just looked at him really weirdly for a moment.  
“Wow” he mumbled eventually. “Wow. Yeah, okay. He's – he's what you feel inside.”  
Bruce's stomach churned inside the sleeping bag. He hated this formulation, because it was perfectly accurate and it made him more exposed than ever.  
But then Clint spoke again, with a smile in his voice. “So actually, I've got nobody to miss. Since you're already here.”  
And Bruce sort of forgot to breathe for a moment.  
He opened his eyes, and saw the archer smile at him. After a second, Clint extended his arm and patted his shoulder. “Hey, Hulk” he said sleepily.  
“Hey, Clint” Bruce answered automatically, surprising himself.  
The archer gave him a wide, sleepy grin.  
His hand started to pull back, and it seemed like he was about to let it slide down on the floor in a sloppy movement. But he stopped at the last second, as though frozen in time, leaving the fingertips on Bruce's sleeping bag in a strange, stiff gesture.  
“I'm an idiot” he murmured, and this time he sounded completely sober.  
Bruce would have answered automatically again that no, of course he was not, but he felt as though these fingers were blocking his entire body from functioning normally. As if these fingers, this extended arm, were balancing his entire universe on a plate. 

**Mixer's Notes**

Considering all the hand holding that Bruce and Clint did when they were buried alive, and how Clint's holding himself back from doing it again in this scene, the Beatles classic seemed apt. 

* * * * * * 

_Hardest of Hearts_ | Florence and the Machine  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/hardest-of-hearts-lyrics-florence-and-the-machine.html)

“There is love in your body but you can't hold it in  
It pours from your eyes and spills from your skin  
Tenderest touch leaves the darkest of mark... 

The hardest of hearts... 

There is love in your body but you can't get it out  
It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth  
Sticks to your tongue and shows on your face  
That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste.” 

**Chapter Twenty-eight. Chaos.**

“Loki threw back the covers and sat up, promises of cruel and unusual deaths in his gleaming eyes, and for once it felt just like home. Thor could not hold back a thin smile ; his lost brother instantly made the connection, of course, and fell into an even darker – but more subdued – mood.  
“What ?” he repeated in a low voice.  
Thor hesitated. For a split second, Loki looked like he would snap at him, then his inexplicable fatigue took over and he just pinched the bridge of his nose with a wince. “Speak up, you oaf.”  
“Are you ill ?” the thunderer murmured.  
Loki glanced up at him in surprise. Thor could feel worry straining his features, and to Hel if his brother mocked him for it – he had to know.  
“Your strength has been fading for the past two weeks” he said. “You cannot even stay awake for an hour straight. Brother, if you are in need of help, please, tell me.”  
Loki blinked, then smiled, and leaned against the wall with a visible effort. “What if I told you there was nothing to be done ?”  
“I would know you were lying” Thor growled instantly. “You shall not die to preserve your pride, Loki – I forbid it.”  
Loki's smile grew sharper. “Yes, I suppose it would defeat the purpose of your noble sacrifice, would it not ?”  
“Will you stop bringing everything back to me ?” Thor exploded. “It is you I worry about ! It is you who matters !”  
The trickster blinked in lazy surprise. He was already falling asleep again, Thor realized. He grabbed Loki's upper arms, tugged him close. “Please, Loki. Let me help you, just this once. I am begging you.”  
“Begging me” Loki said with a vague, bitter half-smile.  
His head fell forward to rest against Thor's chest. “Well, then” he mumbled drowsily. “Who am I to ignore the prayers of the Thunder God.”  
“Yes” Thor breathed hurriedly. “Just tell me what to do !”  
“What time is it ?” Loki mumbled.  
“The night has just fallen.”  
“Good.” The trickster waited, then shifted forward and outright pressed himself against Thor.  
The demi-god was so stunned that he waited for a second before his arms wrapped around him in an hesitant response. He had never held Loki close in a thousand years – his brother was not one for physical contact, not even as a child. But now, he was resting against him, strangely thin under Thor's strong hands, mumbling something in his chest.  
“This.” He was limp, his voice hoarse and muffled. “This is – what I need.” He paused again, his breath already deep and slow. “Just for one night.”  
Thor had never felt so awkward in his life – and Loki's behavior frightened him more than he could say. The trickster must really be out of his mind to let himself go like this, and display his vulnerability in such a shameless way.  
But already, Loki was heavy in his arms with sleep, and Thor could do nothing but keep him there, confusion and fear mixing in his head ; and he could only tighten his hold, and bury his face in the dark hair, and offer him the useless shield of his embrace, like he would have protected an infant from the monsters in the dark.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

This song is complicated, and has such strong emotions. I think the lyrics expresses Loki's and Thor's relationship, especially at this point in the story, when Loki asks Thor to hold him. 

* * * * * * 

_Accidentally in Love_ | Counting Crows  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/accidentally-in-love-lyrics-counting-crows.html)

“Accidentally  
I'm in love.... 

Come on, come on  
Spin a little tighter  
Come on, come on  
And the world's a little brighter.” 

**Chapter Twenty-eight. Chaos.**

“The archer felt something swell inside him, and the urge he had felt in elevator the other day came back magnified a thousand times. He wanted to tell Bruce just how much of an incredible human being he was. He wanted to hold him close and whisper in his ear promises he would keep. He wanted to make it all better.  
He stretched awkwardly and mumbled, “How about we go get some coffee ?” 

**Mixer's Notes**

Well, I think this song shows us Clint figuring out that yes, he does love Bruce. All the pieces have come together for him now. The music is bright and happy, and the singer at the end sounds a little surprised at his own revelation. 

* * * * * * 

_I Gave You All_ | Mumford and Sons  
[Lyrics](http://www.lyricsmania.com/i_gave_you_all_lyrics_mumford_and_sons.html)

“Rip the earth in two with your mind  
Seal the urge which ensures with brass wires  
I never meant you any harm  
But your tears feel warm as they fall on my forearm... 

How can you say that your truth is better than ours  
Shoulder to shoulder, now brother, we carry no arms... 

But I gave you all 

Close my eyes for a while  
Force from the world a patient smile 

But you rip it from my hands  
and you swear it's all gone  
And you rip out all I have  
Just to say that you've won 

Well now, you've won.” 

**Chapter Twenty-eight. Chaos.**

“In the darkest hour of the night, a strange feeling awoke him.  
Thor opened his eyes and thought he was still dreaming. A golden glow, like the trembling gleam of sunny waters, was reflecting on the walls of the trailer.  
He looked down to see what caused it and froze in horror.  
Something was coming out of his chest – a dazzling beam of pure, white energy, as though he was in Stark's body with his core gleaming for all to see. The light was pushed out of his heart in regular pulses by the graceful twists of Loki's long fingers. His brother was pressed against his chest, Thor's arms still loosely wrapped around him.  
And he was drinking it, drinking Thor's life at the source with an open, thirsty mouth, feasting on his vital energy like a vampire. 

**Mixer's Notes**

This is Thor's song. He's tried and failed to regain a better relationship with his brother. Thor's given up his honor to show his love for Loki, and Loki just doesn't seem to care. He's killing Thor by drinking in his power. Mumford and Sons' excellent musical skills and powerful lyrics excel at showing his sorrow and his anger at Loki's tricking him again. 

* * * * * * 

_Better Alone_ | Carolina Liar  
[Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/better-alone-lyrics-carolina-liar.html)

You think you're better alone, for the sake of your sanity  
It won't hurt a soul, if you just learn to breath again  
You never had the nerve to begin with  
You think you're better alone” 

**Chapter Thirty. Monster.**

“Clint stepped forward until he was just close enough to be too close.  
“Where will you go anyway ?” he said under his breath.  
Bruce smiled wanly. “The Helicarrier.”  
The archer did not look shocked like Tony had. His face stayed completely blank, as though he was expecting it.  
“Why ?” he asked calmly – but Bruce could feel anger simmering under the surface. He had gotten pretty good at detecting this kind of thing.  
If only Clint could just let him go right now, be done with it...  
“I have to” he said in a weary voice.  
“This is SHIELD, Bruce. They're not better than Ross.”  
Bruce shivered violently. He did not need to hear this name – there were echoes of silver walls and reverberated screams and splatters of blood and sharp, curved blades, pushing through his muscles to carve his nerves out –  
“I have to” he almost gasped. “I don't have a choice.”  
Clint looked at him with a hurt expression. “Were you already thinking that, back on the roof with me ?”  
Bruce felt a pang in his chest, and he did not know whether it was from shame or from the incredible pain those two words had caused him, coming from Clint. With me.  
“Bruce” the archer repeated fiercely, almost in a growl. “I didn't want to cling, alright ? I tried leaving you alone. See what would come out of it. And I think – no, I know you want to stay. You want to keep trying. So why ? What's pushing you out ?" 

**Mixer's Notes**

I like how the lyrics keep repeating the phrase, “You think you're better alone.” Perfect POV from Clint. 

* * * * * * 

_By Way of Sorrow_ | Cry, Cry Cry  
[Lyrics](http://www.lyricsmania.com/by_way_of_sorrow_lyrics_cry_cry_cry.html)

“You've been taken by the wind  
You have known the kiss of sorrows  
Doors that would not take you in  
Outcast and and a stranger 

You have come by way of sorrow  
You have come by way of tears  
But you'll reach your destiny  
Meant to find you all these years. 

You have drunk a bitter wine  
With none to be your comfort  
You who once were left behind  
Will be welcome at love's table. 

All the nights that joy has slept  
Will awake to days of laughter  
Gone the tears that you have wept  
You'll dance in freedom ever after.” 

**Chapter Thirty-one. Incoming**

“Bruce's lips were very light against his, as though he didn't dare. And it was such a huge step for him that the archer was petrified too, completely breathless, utterly amazed at being kissed by this brilliant, impossibly brave, wonderful man. . .  
It was impossible not to love Bruce.  
Clint breathed in, then raised a hand to plunge it slowly in Bruce's thick curls, relishing the way they flowed between his fingers. As though he had been given permission, the doctor shivered and pressed a little against him. It's alright, Clint wanted to ramble, God, of course it's alright, you can have me, you already do, I'm yours, I'm so completely yours, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, kiss me. Instead of wasting his time, he wrapped an arm around him and parted his lips. Bruce began kissing deeper – hesitantly at first, then with slightly more assurance. When his tongue darted inside, he even dared cupping Clint's face ; he pressed against him with a deep shiver, kissed him – and it was heartbreaking, the way he did it, ever so careful. He was so scared it would be ripped off from him, so certain it would be taken away ; and it felt as though he was torn between stopping right there not to build false hopes, and continuing while he still could. Clint had never been kissed like this – never felt so thoroughly loved, almost painfully, in a way he certainly didn't deserve.  
Warmth overflowed him.  
He pressed against Bruce and kissed back, surged against him, and Bruce moaned in his mouth like he had been wounded and pressed back, invaded his mouth, held onto him like Clint was the only thing he had ever wanted, kissing with some sort of violence now, some kind of desperation, and his cheeks were wet all of a sudden, and he was trembling in Clint's arms,” 

**Mixer's Notes**

I really like this simple little ballad with lyrics that recap Bruce's history coupled with warm and understanding phrases that make it clear that all of that's in the past now. Clint's got him now. 

* * * * * * * 

_I Will Wait_ | Mumford and Sons  
[Lyrics](http://www.moron.nl/lyrics/mumford-and-sons/i-will-wait-lyrics.html)

But I'll kneel down  
Wait for now  
And I'll kneel down  
Know my ground. 

And I will wait for you, I will wait for you... /p >

So break my step  
And relent  
Well you forgave and I won't forget  
Know what we've seen 

Now I'll be bold  
as well as strong  
And use my head alongside my heart  
So tame my flesh  
and fix my eyes  
A tethered mind freed from the lies 

Raise my hands  
Paint my spirit gold  
And bow my head  
Keep my heart slow. 

'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you.” 

**Chapter Thirty-one. Incoming**

"And Clint held him as close as he could, held him so tight they could have melted together. “Yeah, like that” he mumbled, “just let go, Bruce, just let it all go, there's nothing to be ashamed of, you're a hero – you're a goddamn hero... Fuck, Bruce, you saved him – he did this to you and you still saved him, that's just – you're just...”  
He buried his face in the thick curls, felt them collect the wetness of his own eyes. “I'm sorry” he said in a cracked voice. “We should have been there, I should have been there, I should have put a hundred arrows in his eye...”  
He tightened his embrace even more. “God, cry away, Bruce, cry all you want, but just so you know, just so we're clear – when you're done, I'd like to kiss you again. If that's okay with you. And – and go on the roof some more. And cut your hair. And take naps together. And make pancakes in the morning. And tell Fury to go eat his fucking eyepatch.”  
Bruce convulsed between his arms, and he had no idea whether it had been a sob or a laugh.  
“You thought I would let you leave over Loki” Clint went on. “Seriously, Banner ? Even if it was your fault – and I know it wasn't, I know he forced you like the bastard he is – ”  
Bruce convulsed again, and this time it was clearly in protest, but Clint went on, “ – but we can deal with that later. For now, just stop. Just give yourself a break. Just let it all go.”  
Bruce was not sobbing anymore, but he was still pressed against Clint like a terrified child. The archer kissed his neck. “I've got you, Bruce” he murmured, and wrapped his arms even more tightly around him. “You're not alone. I've got you.”  
   
 **Mixer's Notes**

I see this song as Clint expressing to Bruce that Clint is there for him but it's Bruce who will decide how fast their relationship will progress, especially physically. Clint knows that Loki took that choice away from Bruce, so he'll be patient. I adore Mumford and Sons, and this song does not disappoint with its emotionally intense and wonderful lyrics. 

* * * * * * 

_For Whom the Bell Tolls_ | Apocalyptica  
Instrumental 

**Chapter thirty-two. End.**

“I am sorry” he said amiably. “This is quite the letdown – we both know you deserved a much more refined death. You must be awfully disappointed.”  
He glanced at the thunderclouds outside. “But frankly, I am short on time, and I have yet to reach Stark Tower. You were but the first half of a promise I did to myself, you see.”... 

The screen embedded in the wall turned itself on, displaying the image of a terrified newscaster whose red hair was swirling and contorting on her head like it had come alive.  
“ – with wind gusts over 100 mph in New York, Seattle, and Phoenix. Meteorologists are speechless – this might be the most humongous super-storm ever recorded in history, nearly threatening the entirety of the American territory. Despite past disagreements, the president has arranged an emergency meeting with Storm of the X-Men, but the mutant claims to be powerless on a scale so – ” ... 

Thor landed on the roof of Stark Tower. The light was silver and eerie. Mjölnir was shining faintly under the clouds, sparkling with nervous, twitchy blue lights, running over her surface like spider webs. The thunderer's eyes were just as blue, his pupils pinpoints in the steely irises. His cape billowed around his tall, armored silhouette, and his hair was twisting in the atmosphere heavy and crackling with repressed power.  
Thunder cracked and boomed above his head. Underneath, a hundred stories down, Midgardians were holding their breaths.  
Like mortals do, when facing the wrath of the gods... 

"Thor, explain yourself !" Steve barked.  
"There is nothing to explain" Thor said.  
His voice sounded so calm and cold that even Tony forgot about everything else for a second. Thor was fucking terrifying. He could crush them all in a matter of seconds. Like ants under his boot.  
Fuck, this goddamn family.  
"I am a hero no more" Thor said. "A prince no more. I am here to avenge Jane Foster and Erik Selvig's deaths."  
His cape billowed briskly behind him. There were thunderclouds in his eyes.  
"I am here to kill Loki." 

**Mixer's Notes**

From the first chords to the last echoing note, this strong instrumental piece make it clear that shit's gonna happen. The band's named Apocalyptica, after all. I thought it expressed the climax of the story, with Loki and Thor both coming to Stark Tower, these two powerful and ancient gods with their oh, so, damaged relationship. 

* * * * * * 

_Dreaming my Dreams_ | The Cranberries  
[Lyrics](http://www.moron.nl/lyrics/cranberries/dreaming-my-dreams-lyrics.html)

“All the things you said to me today  
Changed my perspective in every way  
These things count to mean so much to me... 

I'll be dreaming my dreams with you...  
And there's no other place that I'd lay down my face  
I'll be dreaming my dreams with you.” 

**Chapter Thirty-two. End**

Clint shifted slightly under him, only barely awake. Bruce sighed and settled even more comfortably against his bare chest. He had never felt so warm. The archer's left arm was wrapped around him, keeping him there...  
"Mute" Clint mumbled.  
He let out a deep sigh, then nuzzled the tousled hair of a very sleepy Bruce. As he pulled him closer, his leg nestled between the doctor's under the covers. Bruce did not tense in the slightest. He knew the archer would never go further, not until he asked him.” 

**Mixer's Notes**

Such a sweet little tune, and the soft voice of the lead singer of the Cranberries makes the song intimate and quiet and perfect for a sleepy interlude between Clint and Bruce. 

* * * * * * 

_Here Comes the Sun_ | The Beatles  
[Lyrics](http://www.moron.nl/lyrics/the-beatles/here-comes-the-sun-lyrics.html)

“Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter  
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here  
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun  
And I say it's all right. 

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces  
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here 

Sun, sun , sun, here it comes 

And I say, it's all right  
It's all right.” 

**Chapter Thirty-two. End**

“Through the frosted glass of the doors, Bruce could see Tony's golden suit, Steve's blue shield, Natasha's red hair, Thor's silver armor, like a painting of moving colors.  
All these colors he had craved for, months ago, all these colors that had made him feel dull and unworthy to be one of them. He took a deep breath, then glanced at Clint, who smiled and tightened his grip on his hand.  
Clint's colors were black and dark purple, Bruce remembered. Not that bright, after all.  
Maybe even a bit dull, one might say.  
He lowered his eyes with a sheepish smile, then closed his eyelids with a small sigh when Clint pressed against his back. The archer's hands settled on his shoulders – and it was as though Bruce had always waited for them to find their place there. Clint's lips brushed his neck when he spoke.  
"Ready ?"  
The doctor leaned against him. He was strong, and warm, and solid, and everything he had ever wished for. So maybe he could step out on his roof, and face Tony again. Maybe he could stay here for a while.  
He knew he would probably feel Loki's hands forever. Had he let him ? Had he allowed it ? This was a doubt that could never go away. But it was not a certainty.  
   
So maybe this all was worth a try.  
   
"Yeah" he breathed. "Let's do it."  
Clint grinned at him, then pressed his lips against his, slow and warm. Bruce greeted him with a heady feeling, still half-convinced that he was dreaming.  
He had already lived this scene so many times. So many times, only to wake up alone on a couch or a chair in the living-room. Taking his head between his hands at three in the morning, shivering under his too thin covers, trying to silence his own stubborn wishes.  
"I'm here" Clint murmured against his lips, as though he had heard his thoughts.  
Bruce nodded, throat tight.  
The archer smiled at him, then pulled back and went to open the doors wide – and the sun flowed in, dazzling Bruce..." 

**Mixer's Notes**

Another gem from the Beatles. The lyrics acknowledge the troubles of the past, but also the hope that things are going to be  
better now. “It's all right,” a reassuring message between all of the Avengers at the end of the story. 

* * * * * * 


End file.
